The Samurai Pizza Cats Meet Lina Inverse
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Yeah, it had to happen. Can Lina Inverse and the cats defeat the Big Cheese before the Supreme Catatonic is hijacked and used as an evil weapon? A crossover. In-progress.


It was raining. Polly Ester had spent the day delivering pepperoni pizzas to everyone in town and she was becoming exhausted as she treaded through the forests.  
"It's times like this that I wish I still had Guru Lou's crazy tonic that makes you run fast forever," Polly mumbled to herself. Just then she heard some  
rustling in the bushes. She sent her eyes on missions to the east and west but witnessed nothing, so she decided to simply look forward. But she detected a strong  
presence. Suddenly, someone tapped her on the back. Polly looked behind her to see a 5'6 brunette lady clad in a cape, who seemed to be disapearing and  
re-appearing everywhere, being in all places at once, hopping and even at times scurrying about like a mouse in search of cheese.  
"You're the one I sensed," said Polly.  
"No, no, they were," said the lady, pointing to giant green slimey woodland lizard monsters with sabre tooth teeth. The lady looked and sounded like she was talking with her mouth full.  
"You're not with them are you?" asked Polly.  
"Oh, contrare. I intend to save you from them" said the lady, reciting a strange spell that mentioned mustard greens at one point. Within an instant, all of the evil monsters fell dead in their tracks.  
"So you were trying to rescue me, ubiquitous one?" asked Polly.  
"No, just showing off. And rescuing you. Yes and no, I suppose" said the lady, flaunting her hair.  
"What's your name?" asked Polly.  
"Lena Inverse. Only the most beautiful powerful sorceress this side of Westburg. We're not in a place called Westburg but it sounded spiffy as a woodpipe.  
I can snap my fingers! Snap snap-snappity snap! Hahaha" said Lena, giggling strangely.  
"Oh, why do you have to be so weird? Anyway my names Polly Ester, I'm on my way back home" said Polly.  
"Weird? What is the weird of which you speak? Kind woman known throughout the land as Polly, tell me, what strikes you as being that of the weird?" asked Lena.  
"I feel like you're ad-libbing, that sentence seemed way too long and artificially formal!" said Polly.  
"Why, dear, if I was ad-libbing I do believe the text would not have even shown up on the fanfic. This really is the script! The ONLY script for this story" said Lena.  
"Breaking the fourth wall is so overdone on BOTH of our respective shows so let's pretend to not know each other and STOP THIS NOW!" insisted Polly.  
"Right, just as soon as the cameraman focuses in on my incredible prowess in literature as I read ten books at once. I'm awesome like that" said Lena.  
"SHUT UP ALREADY" yelled Polly.

Just then Speedy Cerviche came by on some roller skates and bumped into Polly.  
"Aaaah! As if my day wasn't weird enough" said Polly.  
"Who are you calling weird, Polly? You've got some of the weirdest bugs crawling on you" said Speedy. Polly shrieked. She instantly started brushing off the dirt  
and bugs from her uniform with her hands.  
"BUGS? DID SOMEONE SAY BUGS?" yelled a voice in the distance.  
"Who the heck said that? This is like a weird dream" said Polly.  
"It has come to my firm understanding as an intrepid explorer of peoples volcabularies that the word 'weird' is in the house today," said Lena, winking.  
A tall blonde man with blue eyes and muscular shoulders came running down the forest lane.  
"Bugs? Dear god where are they? I really hate bugs" said the man. He looked as though he should not be frightened of anything, and yet every tiny thing seemed  
to startle him.  
"There's no bugs, I brushed them all off" said Polly.  
"Pardon me, we haven't been formally introduced. My name is Gabrieve, Gourry Gabrieve, I'm not used to these parts. I think me and Lena went through a portal" said  
"You think? I know so. I want ever so badly to go back home, but I find this world fascinating. What is in that box you're carrying Miss Polly?" asked Lena.  
"Oh, just some pepperoni pizza with sardines on top" said Polly.  
"Sounds delicious!" said Lena.  
"Yeah, it is" said Polly eating the final pizza she had saved for herself.  
"So you're in the food delivery business are you? I think we'll get along perfect, I absolutely LOVE food" said Lena.  
"Yeah, yeah, she really does. I mean like really, she really really loves food" interjected Gourry.  
"Anyway, we didn't mean to startle you. We'd best be going" said Lena. Speedy was shocked.  
"Wait, hold up, aren't you gonna at least tell us who you really are and why you're here?" asked Speedy.  
"Who are we? Why are we here? A question that has plagued mankind for centuries" said Lena.  
"Oh...boy," said Speedy. "We have some issues here" he added. Polly sped up in front of Lena and Gourry.  
"Listen you ravenous razzleberry brains, you'd better come clean. Are you two working for the Big Cheese?" asked Polly.  
"The Big Cheese? That's a joke, right?" said Gourry, unsheathing a samurai sword. He appeared to be about to engage  
Polly in combat, so Polly thwacked Gourry on the head with a frying pan.  
"What do you think you're doing drawing a sword at a lady without permission?  
The Big Cheese is most certainly is NOT a joke, we need to know right now" said Polly.  
"How dare you thwack my friend on the head in such an unbridled vehement manor" said Lena.  
"Unbridled? I'm gonna be a perfect bride to whomever I marry I'll have you know, you don't wanna see my claws, sister" said Polly.  
"Oh, I don't? Well, you don't want to see me do this!" said Lena. Lena spun around in circles for what seemed like a whole minute until she was  
dizzy lying on the ground.  
"I think I've made my point," said Lena.  
"Yeah, you did. You're an idiot. Both of you are. You're both full of hyperbole and you're super ultra dramatic idiots" said Polly.  
"Hey, this is an anime so that's normal isn't it?" said Speedy.

Later, at the Pizza Parlor.

Speedy, Polly, Lena, and Gourry stepped into the parlor unnanounced and seated themselves down. Polly smashed the table with her fist.  
"Service, gosh darn it" said Polly.  
"Polly, don't you think that's a little rude?" asked Speedy.  
"Wake up Speedy we work here" said Polly. Francine and Guido seemed to be flirting behind the desk, but as soon as they were noticed, Francine came by  
to ask the gang what the commotion was about.  
"Oh my, who are these two? They look like dangerous hooligans" said Francine, referring to Lena and Gourry.  
"They're our new fa-fa-friends or something" said Polly, who sounded half-drunk.  
"Let me explain Polly-Olly Ester. Okay so we encountered these vagabonds in the woods and we thought we'd befriend them cuz they rescued Polly from  
the evil forest lizards" said Speedy. Guido came by.  
"Is that really true? Did you two rescue Polly from the evil forest lizards that have been littering Little Tokyo's forests for centuries?" asked Guido.  
"No, it isn't true," said Lena. Guido looked angry.  
"So what's going on here? Do you have a spell on them?" asked Guido.  
"No, I mean it's not true that we both saved Polly. I saved Polly. By snappin' the ol' fingers. Most girls can't snap their fingers you know" said Lena.  
"Hey, as a girl I resent that! You take that back you shovenistic female" said Polly.  
"Now, settle down. I think we can all find out more about each other if we all have some food. Food brings people together and calms them down. Everyone knows  
that" said Guido.  
"I'm down," said Lena. She continued while chewing on something- "I'm down for some frickin' food anytime"  
"Listen, I'll interrogate the beautiful gypsy woman and you guys can talk to Goldilox" said Guido.  
"Not a gypsy," mumbled Lena, in a hilarious tone.  
"Not Goldilox," said Gourry.  
"Okay whatever, we'll all talk.

Much much later...

"So you guys were sent from another dimension cuz of a distress call?" asked Guido.  
"Yeah, we were told that a statue had been hijacked with an evil spell. We were also told that the statue would become used as  
an emblem of mass control and evil sacrifices and some crap I don't remember. We have to save the people from the evil mass controls and sacrificial  
goblins and stuff!" said Lena.  
"An evil goblin named Zalgoddess and his mummy friend are gonna team up with a small villain who sits on the city council board here" said Gourry.  
"Small villain? You must mean the Big Cheese!" said Speedy.  
"Woah, presumptious. How can a villain that small be a big?" said Lena.  
"Exactly, so you guys are here to help us stop him?" asked Speedy.  
"On one condition, the dessert is gonna be free of charge" said Lena.  
"Deal!" said all three pizza cats in unison. The fourth pizza cat, Francine was frustrated.  
"Oh, you guys can all have fun. Hmph!" said Francine storming off.  
"What's her problem?" asked Gourry.  
"Allergies," said Speedy.  
"Hey, it says in the newspapers that the Big Cheese is a RAT?" asked Gourry.  
"Yeah, so what?" asked Speedy.  
"I hope Lena calls dibs on battling the rat. I HATE MICE!" said Gourry.

To be continued...


End file.
